Musings of an Aging Nobody

This morning, Cameron and I were sitting in my bed having coffee and playing on the computer when he looked up at the ceiling fan and asked:

“Pop Pop, why are there spider webs on the ceiling fan?”

Luckily my wife wasn’t in the room when he asked that question, but I already knew my fate for today included cobweb duty.

“Those aren’t like real spider webs,” I said.  “Those are cobwebs.  Cobwebs look like that because of dust.”

Alright so that wasn’t entirely true but an okay explanation.   I could have included that spider webs tend to get insects in big trouble whereas cobwebs tend to get his Pop Pop in big trouble,  but instead I explained that since it was rainy and cold today his Pop Pop was going to clean those cobwebs on that ceiling fan.

“Are you going to clean the cobwebs on my ceiling fan too?” he asked.

“Yup yours too.”

“And mommy’s?”

“Yup mommy’s too.”

Because since it was a rainy, cool, dreary day, it was a great day to clean cobwebs, and dead bugs in the light fixtures, and other such things I have been putting off.

 

My wife thinks that we don’t have someone to come in and clean our house because I am cheap.

And as ridiculous as that may sound to some of you, I must confess…it’s true.

I tell her why pay someone to clean your house when you have a husband that can do it?

 

Let’s face it, I don’t pay someone to cut my grass…I do it.

Why would I PAY someone to clean my house?

I don’t pay someone to clean out my gutters…I do it.

Even when the downspout on the second level is clogged and I am too scared to climb the extension ladder that high to clear the clog.  Why would I pay someone when I can duct tape a perfectly capable garden tool to the end of a ten foot piece of one inch PVC pipe; get up on the top step of a step ladder on the deck;  and maneuver the pointy end of the garden tool around until it clears the clog?  It’s that simple.

Job done!

And trimming high tree branches?  Why pay someone when I can back my pickup truck up in the front yard, put that same step ladder in the bed of my truck and climb up to reach the ends of those higher branches.

Job done!

High five myself!

You see, you just have to be smart.

 

I always tell my wife I may be cheap, but I am smart.

 

I once bought my wife a very expensive vacuum cleaner for Christmas.  Now I am not that much of an idiot to know that you don’t just buy your wife a very expensive vacuum cleaner for Christmas unless you attach something else of value to it that will be more personal.  It could be diamond tennis bracelet or some nice anniversary ring or something.

So since I am smart and I knew this, I attached something really special…

Me.

Yup me.

Got Dirt…I told her…Call Curt!

You see her vacuum came with a trained professional to push it around for her.

Me.

And I was smart and made up this funny little contract that said in the fine print “Acceptance of this vacuum is your commitment to never hire an outside cleaning service for as long as you live.”

She accepted the vacuum.

And I was cleverly under contract and free from worry about paying future cleaning crews.

Smart.

(High Fives again)

So tomorrow don’t ask me about how the game went, or what fun thing did I do this weekend, because I am so smart, I was busy fulfilling my contract.

And though I would love her till the end of time, in the end though, there is some kind of Paradise by the Dashboard Light irony to this situation for both my wife and me.

But I just have to remember, I didn’t want to go out and watch that football game anyway; or go play harmonica at that winery.  That’s right, because I am smart…I saved some money today.

So until the day when I get a little less smart…

Got  Dirt?…Call Curt!