That’s What You Get
That’s what you get for lovin’ me
That’s what you get for lovin’ me
Everything you had is gone, as you can see
That’s what you get for lovin’ me
(from For Lovin’ Me written by Gordon Lightfoot)
My grandmother Eleanora worked at the Dan Electro factory in Neptune, New Jersey when I was young. As a result, at very young ages, my brother Carl, my sister Pat, and I all received transistor radios for Christmas. And maybe Gary did too and I just wasn’t paying attention by that time. I think I got my first radio when I was five or six so maybe 1961 or 1962.
My wife hates music from the 1960s. She says it causes her great anxiety. Sometimes I will turn on the Sirius XM 60’s station in the car, it makes her crazy.
Me, on the other hand, I love it, it puts me in my happy place.
If I ever wanted to make my wife crazier than I have already made her, I could lock her in a room and play Surfin’ Bird by the Trashmen over and over.
That would surely trigger some anxiety.
But I wouldn’t do that.
That would be mean.
That would be abusive.
The lyrics from the song above are from the 60’s. They are from the 1965 song “For Lovin’ Me” sung by Peter, Paul, and Mary and written by Gordon Lightfoot.
I heard this song a couple of weeks ago while listening to the 60’s channel on Sirius XM.
It has been haunting me ever since, causing me anxiety, causing me to lose sleep even.
I listened to it a few more times, then I read the lyrics.
I interpreted it as narcissistic.
I researched the meaning of the lyrics, toxic masculinity was proposed.
I researched toxic masculinity.
It brought me back to narcissism.
I know of a father who once had to endure listening to an audio recording of his daughter being beaten by her husband:
“Don’t hit me in the face,” he heard his daughter pleading desperately.
She was not pleading to not be beaten, she knew that was going to happen, that wasn’t an option.
She, having no doubt been through this before, was specifically pleading not to be hit in the face.
And this was real stuff, not television, not Law and Order, not Chicago PD.
If you are a father of daughters like I am, can you imagine?
Can you imagine hearing your daughter getting beat up by some jerk?
Probably not, and we definitely couldn’t imagine what this young woman had to endure.
But as a father what would you do?
Would you cry?
Would you want to treat violence with violence?
Would you want to put your Christian values to the test?
Would you feel helpless?
I have read that it is hard to intervene in these situations, intervening can often make things worse.
You just have to love them, and be there when the time comes, to be ready to help when the decision to escape is finally made.
And be supportive.
I guess sometimes, what you get for loving someone, is not always what you expect to get.
Sometimes relationships come with mental abuse, and sometimes physical abuse, sometimes worse.
And sometimes even though everything you had was gone; money, credit, self-esteem, confidence, and dreams maybe, you were lucky enough to still have your life.
Lucky enough to escape.
Lucky enough to be able to build a new life once again.
Make some new dreams.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
A good reminder for us dads and moms too, to pay attention to our daughters, and our sons, because sons can be victims too.
I guess I am learning that not all songs from the 60’s put me in my happy place.
Now if you want to experience some of Kim’s anxiety, watch this video of Surfin’ Bird. And you have to watch it until the end.
So don’t you shed a tear for me
I ain’t the love you thought I’d be
I’ve got a hundred more like you…
I’ll have a thousand ‘fore I’m through
(from For Lovin’ Me by Gordon Lightfoot)
And that, is a scary reality.