Musings of an Aging Nobody

It’s hard to believe that a whole year has gone by since I very nervously clicked the “publish” button on my newly and hastily constructed website sending my first essay “Three Score and Counting” out into cyberspace on New Year’s day 2016.  That was a big leap for me having only ever written publicly for work; or for family and friends with an annual Christmas letter.  Most of what I had written was kept for my own consumption, 30 years of words hidden away in spiral notebooks stacked where only I knew to read them.

And for me being able to share on this website fulfilled at least one of my life’s goals, to get over the fear and worry and just write, and let someone else read it, like it or not.

Now one year later, to repeat a thought from that first writing “Three Score…” I am still alive and breathing and now looking forward to another year.

And I say I am looking forward to it very sincerely, in spite of the fact that I know that this new year will have all the makings of other years gone by and will include many great moments, but since this is real life I am wise enough now to expect some moments that won’t be so celebrated.  And now on this first day of the New Year I have the opportunity to reflect a little on the roller coaster ride that was 2016.  I am sure you have your stories too.

I experienced some things I had never experienced before and some I at least hadn’t experienced in many years.  Some were painful, some were sad.  Some were life changing for me, some were life changing for others.  Some were all too familiar but not always the familiar we look for.  Some were educational, some introspective.  Some were silly and sometimes a needed diversion.  All were personal, all elicited some emotion.  Many times I laughed but more times I cried. And sometimes I laughed and I cried.  I have often said I cry when I write, and I write when I cry, because sometimes for me writing helps the healing.

There were times I was angry. There were times I was scared too.  There were times I was humbled.  But in those times wisdom is born and so there were times of enlightenment too.

And though I try to be creative with my non-fiction, this is real life, and sometimes our non-fiction gets handed to us in a way we couldn’t imagine creating.

Sadly In life we experience loss, but there is always the opportunity to honor those like my friends Lynn, Holly, and Tawanda who all lost their battles with cancer.

But some losses come harder than others.  Some are much more personal, closer to home and continue to be experienced daily.  It’s hard sometimes to keep that contained.

And in May our community’s world was rocked again with the loss of Jimmy McLaughlin, a young man and a good family friend loved by all who knew him.

In these situations the healing continues for many and for some may never end.

Then in June I was reminded that there are those who don’t always share the same passion for life that most of us have.  And for those, there can be a day when their pain and anguish can take control, if only for a brief moment, and then it’s over.   On Christmas Day I re visited the sunken path where Mr. Hersch took the life of his dog and himself.  I hadn’t been out in that woods since the June evening when my neighbor and I discovered him and his companion.  Nature had appropriately fashioned a cross right in the spot where he lay.

But it wasn’t always sad and painful.

I learned that not everyone shares the same respect I have for French bread.  I learned a new word while I was sheltering in place in a massive snow storm.  I fought the garden wars in the trenches of my back yard and became “The Deer Hunter” unexpectedly and remorsefully doling out some unnecessary revenge.

I battled a great sea monster that left me bloodied and in the urgent care.  I realized growing old isn’t always pretty and I learned that climbing stairs can help generate gray matter making me smarter. I purposely climbed that stairwell to the fifth level of that Reston Hospital parking garage many times after that first struggling effort.  That is, up until August when another not so pleasant life experience occurred and the work that required me to be in that parking garage stopped.  But happily in the last week of the year I would make those five flights of stairs again, now in a new role.

And in that down time I would read Angela Duckworth’s “Grit” for a second time and totally understand her comment in the book that “teaching is the hardest job in the world” after having spent some time substituting for 4^th, 5^th, and 6^th grade teachers.

And who could forget we had a Presidential election in 2016. In my effort to not be controversial, I tried to remain neutral in my writing, but also tried to have a little fun with it as well.

But alas, Mickey didn’t win.

In addition to recognizing that lives matter, I particularly began to recognize the priorities of family; of grandchildren, and children, our parents; and of Kim and I; and where I might need to improve.  And thankfully we had opportunities to share some meaningful time together with some short trips, a beautiful wedding, Father’s Day, and of course

Christmas.

And in the end I realized that though there were some painful and sad experiences, there was much to be thankful for as well as we celebrated the holidays.

So I am looking forward to 2017 and to new adventures and more musings in the year to come.

And referencing “Three Score…” from last New Year’s Day one more time, though my lifeline continues to be my wife, it is our spirituality that keeps us lifted.

I had storms in 2016, let’s face it, we all did.  But I remain steadfast.

And I pray for calmer waters for you and your families and for mine.

And as always, I thank you for letting me share.

Happy New Year.