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Happy New Year

Happy New Year

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Though the holidays were officially over, with the weekend coming and a couple more loved ones still to visit, she dipped into a Harris Teeter to pick up a few things.  She took her place in line at the self-checkout behind an older woman who was already scanning her groceries.  With the help of a young clerk the old woman carefully took her items out of her handbasket and slid them over the scanner and into her bag.

She watched as the old lady, barely skin and bones and looking disheveled in a tassel cap, an old sweater, and baggy sweatpants continued slowly processing her groceries.

Three tomatoes, not even in a bag and all on one stem, half a loaf of bread, lunch meat, and a half gallon of ice cream.  When the total approached twenty-five dollars, the old woman told the young clerk “tell me when I get to thirty dollars.”

Soon after, the clerk put the lunch meat aside because it was going to put her over her thirty-dollar limit.

The woman in line observing all this thought back to a time when she was younger and a struggling single mom of a couple of young kids.  She would take her calculator with her when she would go grocery shopping to stay within her budget.

“Ma’am, can I just pay for your groceries?” she asked the old woman.

Hearing the offer and turning towards the voice, a bit surprised she replied “Would you? I am 90 years old, and things are getting harder.”

“Ma’am I am blessed, and I would like to help you,” and with all the old women’s groceries now scanned and in the bags, she swiped her card and paid the bill.

After checking out her own items and leaving the store, she looked for the old woman, but she was gone.

 

Yesterday was January 10th.

I have come to realize January 10th is the real New Year’s Day in my house.

It’s not always obvious, you can’t always feel it, and sometimes for short periods maybe even you forget it exists.  It seems to surface when you least expect it and sadly and sometimes inexcusably, it might even go unnoticed.

And it’s particularly ugly and insidious starting sometime before Thanksgiving and ending in early January where it lives deep in your expectations of joy and happiness, and the inner peace we search for in the story of the birth of a child, then in the anticipation of the new beginnings and opportunities of a new year.

And as hard as you try to deny its effects, no amount of wine or eggnog, happy or sentimental seasonal movie binging, or decorations and holiday celebrations are going to keep that thing under wraps.

It’s called grief.

And it doesn’t matter how many awesome sons-in-law, grandchildren, or kids you are blessed with, there is still always going to be one missing.

And sometimes even a bonehead husband and father like me who should know better doesn’t always read the signs at the right times or know when it’s time to take a step back; because sometimes it takes me until January 10th to realize that was the reason that the joy schedules didn’t always match up, that the attempt at the special moment fell flat, and mentioning that Santa Claus had come didn’t quite have the impact expected.

 

On Monday, January 9, on what would have been Donny’s 36th birthday, Kim put up a nice post on her Facebook page remembering Donny.  She received many nice comments, many of those coming from others who had also lost children.

I have read them all, several times really.

Comments like “Thinking of you Kim.  Donny was one of a kind.  Much love to you and your family.”

Donny was one of a kind.

And like the good person who helped the old lady in the Harris Teeter that day by paying for her groceries, Donny was a good person too.

And though situations like this always bring to mind the old adage “why do bad things happen to good people,” the truth is, bad things can happen to anyone.

But there really are good people we know or have known, in our lives.

And that brings to mind another old adage and just goes to show you, sometimes…

The apple doesn’t always fall far from the tree.

 

 

Postscript:

I have referenced this before and Kim mentioned it in her Facebook post, these words were sent to us twenty years ago and remain displayed in our kitchen:

“no matter how tough life gets, if you can see the shore of heaven, and draw strength from Christ, you’ll make it”.

On January 10th we made a nice dinner, poured some champagne in our year 2000 anniversary flutes, and toasted Happy New Year.

Let the new year now begin.

Happy New Year!

Faith

Faith

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I threw the bikes in the back of the truck today and Kim and I took Cameron to the bike shop.  I got my front flat tire fixed and we picked up some new bike helmets and Cameron and I got a couple bells for our bikes.

Then we hit the W&OD Trail for Cameron’s inaugural trip on the bike trail.  But the warm afternoon had brought out swarms of bikers, and walkers, and strollers, and runners; and the stress of teaching Cameron the proper safety and etiquette of riding on the trail was too much for Pop Pop under these conditions, so we bailed out after a short while to the High school parking lot to try out our bells.

Dinner had its challenges too.  We made homemade pizzas.  Cameron was in charge of the cheese so naturally we had extra cheese.  But in my zeal to clone the pizza that was just like the one from Freddie’s Pizzeria on Broadway in Long Branch New Jersey, I slid it off the pan too early and watched in horror as my pizza sauce and all that extra cheese crashed to the bottom of the oven.

In spite of all that we laughed, and salvaged a second attempt to make the perfect pizza…though perfect it was not.

And though I enjoyed a nice weekend with family, my heart hurt.

At church this morning I was handed a cell phone open to a facebook post that read:

It’s a pretty magical thing to find your soulmate in this world.
Like pieces to a jigsaw puzzle, our crazy curvy edges matched and we fit together like no one else could.

On March 15, 2018 my husband was tragically taken from us.

“Where there is a lot of love, there is a lot of pain” – and after ten years of knowing and loving Brandon, 3 years and 11 months of marriage, and 3 beautiful girls; our love runs deep, and has been strengthened by our faith.

I keep trying to find the words to share with you – our friends and family – but nothing feels right.

I want to thank you all for your continuous love and support and prayers over the last 3 days. The coming days are going to be excruciating, as we dig deep to find the strength we need to heal.

Please keep us in your prayers, as I now have to find the words and the answers to tell my girls that their Daddy is not coming home.

Posted morning of March 18 by Chelsea Brownfield.

Chelsea Brownfield is a member of my church family.  Chelsea’s parents, Joy and Roy,  are part of my church family too.  Chelsea grew up in church.

Chelsea relocated from Northern Virginia to south Florida.

On March 15th her husband Brandon was under that bridge that collapsed in Miami. Since that time and up until this morning, Chelsea’s family had been waiting with hope.  The hope the faith allows you to have.

And Chelsea’s church family had that hope too, and waited, and prayed.

Many in the world will tell you having a strong faith and being Christian, is not always a good thing.  Some associate you with having a mental illness; or maybe assume you are racist; or in some parts of the world are persecuted.

I don’t understand any of those things.

But I do understand what faith can do.

I saw it with my wife almost sixteen years ago.  It still carries her.

And I saw it again the last few days and particularly today in the words of this young lady.

Something has her, something is lifting her up and carrying her now.

God has her.

The coming days and months will be excruciating, and healing will never come.

But sixteen years from now; 25 years from now, her faith will still be carrying her.

And as a result the time will come when she will be able to enjoy bike rides on Sunday afternoons and not so perfect pizzas with her beautiful daughters; and someday their children.

And she will laugh.

Because she will learn that it’s okay to laugh again.

Because God wants her to laugh again.

 

A Go Fund Me account has been set up to help Chelsea and those little girls.  If you are interested in donating here is the link.

And please keep Chelsea, those little girls; and my friends Joy and Roy, and Brandon’s family  in your prayers.  As well as the others who were injured or perished in that unimaginable accident.

Hey Joe, Where You Going With That Gun In Your Hand

Hey Joe, Where You Going With That Gun In Your Hand

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I left the house this morning with a song stuck in my head. Hey Joe, a song made popular by the Jimi Hendrix Experience and one of my favorite Hendrix tunes.

It’s not a very happy song however.

Hey Joe, where you goin’ with that gun of yours?
Hey Joe, I said where you goin’ with that gun in your hand,

I don’t know why I had this song in my head this morning but maybe all the recent violence and these lyrics had something to do with it.

I spend a lot of Sunday mornings in church, don’t hold that against me.  I guess one doesn’t expect to go to church and be confronted by a shooter, but as we all know, that happened this past Sunday.  But then again one doesn’t expect to go to school, a concert, a nightclub, or a softball game and have that happen there either; have their wife or husband killed; their kids killed; their mother, father, sister, brother killed; their friends killed.  The venue doesn’t matter, it’s all horrific.

And it’s final, they are gone…they’re just gone.

 

I read on Facebook last night that the recent rash of killings and violence was on account of the Republicans.

Well I don’t know if all that’s true

Cause’ you got me and baby I got you…

Wow sorry, there I go again, I just launched into a Sonny and Cher song…my wife says I do that a lot; hum, or sing mostly when I am nervous or uncomfortable.

But seriously, I don’t know whether all these bad things that are happening are really because of the Republicans.

But still, I am being vigilant.  Especially when I am around my Republican friends.

 

It is true though, I do hum a lot and sing a lot because I do love music… and I like to sing. And not just when I am nervous, I like to sing just as long as no one else can really hear me.  I can sing in a crowd, not to a crowd.

I was in church Sunday morning in Western Pennsylvania.  Since the pastors were on vacation, the sermon was delivered by a lay speaker.  A guy who is maybe a little younger than me; a guy who if I had to guess might be dealing with some health issues; a guy who just lost his job.  But in spite of all that, a guy who delivered a message that was positive, inspiring, and one that hit home to me.  It was awesome.

But that’s an essay for another day.

Something else happened at church Sunday.  My mother-in-law’s birthday was Monday, so my father-in- law was the special music at church that morning.  He got up, stood at that microphone, and in front of everyone introduced the song as being for his wife in honor of her birthday.  He then proceeded to sing a solo for his wife, in front of me and my wife, and everybody else in that church.

It was awesome too.

It was very moving, it was the ultimate act of expression of love for his wife in my opinion.

I sat there thinking, wow… I am not worthy.

 

Some years ago a friend of mine who was also friends with a few guys who worked for my wife at the time told me one day;

“Dude, those guys would jump on a grenade for your wife.”

I got that.

I understand falling on a grenade for my wife. I can do that.

But singing…alone…in front of other people?

Sorry Kim, if given the choice between singing to you in front of large crowd of people and falling on a grenade?

I will take the grenade.

 

 

 

 

Mother’s Day Angels

Mother’s Day Angels

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Lying in her bed, early in the morning

The cell phone rings with a message that reads

“Thinking of you, have nice day”

She puts her head back down on the pillow and starts to cry

Here we go again this year

It’s another Mother’s Day

 

I don’t remember which year, which Mother’s Day I wrote that, the opening paragraph of a longer piece I never finished.

It’s another Mother’s Day.  They are all a little different and unfortunately all have their similarities.

Today started with the similar, some sadness, some tears.

Kim decided to make a visit to the cemetery to visit Donny, and this is where it got different.

While there she felt a hand on her back.  It was a woman.  The women explained she had been walking by and saw Kim there.

And her heart felt heavy.

She started to walk back by again but again she didn’t stop.  And again she said she felt the Lord heavy on her heart and she felt like the Lord wanted her to stop and talk.

And so the third time she decided to walk up to Kim.

She told Kim “your son is always going to be with you even though he is with the Lord.”

And she said “It’s okay to cry.”

 

I don’t know who that women was who felt the need to stop and talk to Kim on this Mother’s Day, but for today to me she was an angel.  Like the young person who sent the text messages to Kim for many years on Mother’s Day, “Thinking of you, have a nice day.”  That act of thoughtfulness was huge.   To me,  he was also an angel.

And though the day started very similar to many other Mother’s Days I remember, this one had its story that made it different and as a result helped make it better.

Because just like the stranger in the cemetery said “it’s okay to cry,” it’s okay to be happy too even though you might feel like you shouldn’t.

So Happy Mother’s Day to my wife and to all the mom’s out there.  I am sure you all have your angels too.

 

Facebook Memory and Holly’s Hunnies

Facebook Memory and Holly’s Hunnies

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Holly Tomlinson

I got one of those “Your Memories on Facebook” alerts today from two years ago.  I don’t usually pay much too attention to them but this one made me reflect because as the post said, it was special.  It was a Facebook post from April 3, 2014 that was me sharing my “Happier, Healthier Me” blog for that week on my personal Facebook page.  It went like this:

Hey gang, this week’s blog.  It’s a little early but it’s special……and maybe we can find a few more supporters.  Please like and share.

SSR Curt Christiansen’s A Happier, Healthier Me: Week Fourteen

I don’t remember exactly when I met the Tomlinsons; Holly and the kids. Holly’s middle child Blair was an elementary school classmate of Savannah; her oldest son Ryan was Hayley’s age and a grade ahead of Donny; and her youngest daughter Kelly a few years behind Blair and Savannah. While Kim and I were busy blending our two families, as is typical I guess, many of our good friendships grew out of those of our children. As our now extended group of friends experienced our kids and each other’s kids grow from elementary school to middle school to high school and young adulthood, we often got through those times together. Someone once said it takes a village, we had a village.

Holly was a free spirit, always the positive one, and maybe the one who got a little less worked up over what our kids were experiencing and what we parents were stressing over. Holly was my age and we shared some of same experiences growing up in the culture of 60’s and 70’s.

When my family faced tragedy and this same group of friends we had grown to love circled their wagons around us, Holly and the kids were there.

Sadly, somewhere along the way of our kids growing up, and our lives getting more complicated, Holly was diagnosed with breast cancer. She handled her illness with that same spirit that guided her whole life and was positive to the end.

On May 26th, 2011, Holly lost her battle with breast cancer.

In April of 2012, with the help of The Step Sisters Brambleton Ribbon Run, Holly’s Hunnies was born.

Holly’s kids, wanting to support the effort to fight breast cancer, but not so much on the national level of the Susan G. Komen, found The Step Sisters organization, a local Loudoun County group of women and men, who joined together seven years ago to take on the challenge of fighting breast cancer. It was the local support services who were there for Holly and so that is where the kids wanted to help out.

That first year, the team of Holly’s Hunnies who ran together in the Ribbon Run numbered about eight including the kids. Last year, my first year, the team increased to about 15 participants. This year, according to Kelly, an estimated 26 new team members have signed up and will participate on the team wearing the pink tee shirts with team name of Holly’s Hunnies, including one 9 month old team member in a “onesie.” They will run with the estimated 2000 other participants in the 10K, 5K, or the Fun Run. According to Kelly that was another reason they picked this event, all could participate, it could be a nice family thing.

I know Breast Cancer Awareness Month is not until October but since breast cancer does not follow a schedule and the need for support is ongoing, it’s always a good time to be reminded. According to Breastcancer.org it was expected that approximately 235,000 new cases of invasive breast cancer would be diagnosed in U.S. women and men last year.

The 7th annual Brambleton Ribbon Run/Walk will be held Saturday, April 5, 2014 (rain or shine). If you are not doing anything and want to help Ryan, Blair, and Kelly; and the other members of their team raise some money and awareness in Holly’s memory or maybe in memory of someone you know, come on out and introduce yourself.

We will be the ones in the pink tee shirts, with the logo, “Holly’s Hunnies”.

This was my Facebook Memory post from two years ago.   I am glad that I received that reminder today.  By the way the 9th annual Brambleton Ribbon Run/Walk will be held Saturday, April 16th if you would like to support the Step Sisters organization, Holly’s Hunnies 2016, or just get out and get some exercise.  Click the link and sign up!

Thanks for letting me share that again.

It’s a Long Road, But I Am Here Still Truckin’!

It’s a Long Road, But I Am Here Still Truckin’!

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From Facebook
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From SRHS Class of 1974 Yearbook

Lynn Kleiberg White

Last week while most of us in the northeast and mid-atlantic were worrying about a snowstorm, another act of God was occurring. Someone, who we had become very accustomed to lifting us up, was finally herself being lifted up.

It’s a long road but I am still here truckin’!

Lynn Kleiberg White wrote that in a Facebook post on September 3, 2015. It was a long road, and while she was still here truckin’, she inspired us all.

The Re-Connect

Though we were friends in high school, I don’t know if I had seen Lynn since then, at least not until the SRHS Class of 1974 reunion in July of 2014.  However, sometime in early 2014 I connected with Lynn on Facebook. She was a great supporter of me and my Healthier, Happier Me blog, always with encouraging comments as well as for the races Kim and I were running that year.

Lynn: I will have to give the song a listen! Nice blog today Curt!

Lynn: Thanks Curt! You are a great storyteller! I always enjoy reading your blog! Good luck in your half marathon! I made it through the gamma knife radiation with flying colors yesterday. Very relieved! You have a great weekend too!

Lynn: Way to go Curt! Your efforts are for such a good cause!

Lynn: A physical? Oh BADWORD! Just kidding… July… thoughts of our reunion should help to keep you on the right track!

I didn’t spend much time on Facebook in 2015, so I lost some contact again.    Since our recent friendship was more of an on line event, I decided to go back and  review and reflect on what what I remembered and what I missed.

The Reunion

SRHS CLASS OF 1974!!!!!!

lynn 6

July 28, 2014
Enjoying the reunion!

lynn 7

The Humor

October 24, 2014

lynn 8

 

June 25, 2015 ·
Lol

lynn 9

 

The Always Positive and Always Encouraging

July 25, 2015
A huge THANK YOU to all my facebook family & friends for all of the Happy Birthday wishes! I am so glad that this chemo is not kicking my ass so hard that I can’t enjoy life, right now I am living it! Enjoying every moment & this beautiful weather! Thanks again y’all!

lynn 10

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lynn 4

August 15, 2014
My old friend Kate Farrell Reilly has invited me to be part of the Positive Postings challenge. The concept is to post 3 positive thoughts a day for 5 days & to invite 3 friends to do the same.

August 16, 2014
Day 2 of the Positive Postings challenge. …..

August 17, 2014
Positive postings… things I am grateful for. Day 3 of 5…

August 18, 2014
Ok… Day 4 of 5 of Positive Postings… things I am grateful for…..

August 19, 2014
Day 5 of 5 of Positive Postings. Things that I am grateful for…

 

lynn 13

lynn 14

 

The Fight

July 30, 2014 ·
This fight is getting harder & harder…

September 23, 2014 ·
Standing Tall… It is a long & bumpy road, but I am still moving along!

lynn 15

November 10, 2014 ·
6:20 pm Update: Sigh… taking a deep breath as I let the good news & not quite the news I expected today news settle in……I’m gonna kick that cancers ass! If “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is true, then I am a friggin, SUPERWOMAN! Thanks for your love & support!

December 14, 2014 ·
Hello friends & family! … I have started with my new chemotherapy routine & am coping so far. ……………Keeping my fingers crossed!
Yesterday was a great day!

June 15, 2015
Well, it is Chemo time again, Hooray! I am always glad to get treatments as planned!  … my team is still debating which way we will go with radiation. The internal radiation is not going to be done & I will likely have 5 external radiation treatments & some cryocautery to shrink the biggest tumor in my left lung. Looking forward to breathing easier!

August 15, 2015 ·
Chemo on Thursday & wide awake Friday night… Wondering & worrying… The new chemo is working on some tumors, but not all of them…….. I hope it is not 30 treatments again (I have done 30 three times in the past.)   … It was 12 years ago this week that I felt the lump that changed my life. Damn! I hate cancer!

September 3, 2015 ·
Radiation #7 of 14 today at Monmouth Medical- yay… half way there! Followed by chemo session #10 today at Adult Hemotology & Oncology. ……Now to schedule the Brain MRI & have the 3rd cryocautery procedure on 9/11. It’s a long road, but I am here still truckin’!

September 10, 2015 · Little Silver, NJ ·
Sometimes things get pretty crazy… I have been tolerating my radiation treatments pretty well (11 down, 3 to go) I am at chemo right now…….Tomorrow I will have radiation followed by another Bronchoscopy with cryocautery. Monday I will have radiation & a brain mri to be sure that tumor is gone. Tue will be my final radiation treatment. Thurs chemo again, then I will have a break for a week (thank goodness!) Thanks for your prayers for healing & your notes of concern. I hope that all of my fb friends & family are doing well!

October 7, 2015 ·
Hooray… Brain Radiation treatments are complete! Now on to today’s Upper Endoscopy with balloon dilation & CT/PET scan tomorrow. I’ll be glad when this week is over!

The End

January 14 at 5:53pm

Our friend Lynn Kleiberg White could use some positive energy, love and good juju right now. She’s having a difficult time since being pretty much confined to her bed for the last few weeks. She has to use oxygen and isn’t able to get out and enjoy the fresh air and beautiful view of the Keys. She has an appt with her onc next week to see what’s what. Cancer SUCKS! I’m posting this here with her permission.
So send some love or maybe post a nice nature pic of something she’ll enjoy. We all love you Lynn and are standing beside you in a circle of support and love.

January 23 at 9:53pm

Our dearest Lynn Kleiberg White is now at peace. She was the strongest person I have ever met. I admired her so much for her strength & determination to live. No more struggles to over come. You are I God’s arms now. Rest in peace. You will be in our hearts forever. We love you.

Final Thoughts

Lynn did much to prepare the rest of us for the harsh realities of what life can bring,  all the while encouraging us to seize the moment and not dwell on the negative.  Her bravery was inspiring, and surely her pain unimaginable and it truly was a long road.  I feel blessed I was able to experience her friendship again for a brief period.  My prayers go out to Lynn’s family and friends who shared her life and were always there.  From what I read,  you were awesome and inspiring too!

October 16, 2014 and “remembered” on October 16, 2015

Wish I was here..

i wish i was there

I am sure you are now my friend, I am sure you are.

 

September 3, 2014 ·

lynn 18

 

Facebook, ReTrumplicans, and Peanut Butter Things

Facebook, ReTrumplicans, and Peanut Butter Things

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trump

My wife is not on Facebook. She doesn’t have a Facebook account and is adamant about the fact that she will never have a Facebook account.

Kim: “I don’t have Facebook and I never will have Facebook!!!”

I have a Facebook account. I have had it for a while but never really paid much attention to it until January of 2014 when I started a blog for work called Happier, Healthier Me and wanted to share it and follow the attention it got. My wife didn’t like the fact that I was on social media.

Kim: “So you are on Facebook now?”

Me: “Yes I need to use it for work, for the blog I am writing.”

Kim: “Do you have a girlfriend on Facebook?”

Me: “No, no Kim I just need to watch it for work stuff, it’s just work…”

Kim: “I can see it now you will hook up with someone on Facebook and leave me…”

Me: “No seriously I will never leave you, it’s just work, I promise!”

The truth is however, she doesn’t have a Facebook account but she likes to get on my Facebook.
The other evening she was logged on. The reason I know this is because I was upstairs reading How To Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie, a book I got for Christmas, when I checked my cell phone to find it was lit up with Facebook alerts.

Me: “Kim……you are on my Facebook account?”

Kim: “Yes, I was just watching a video.”

Me: “Kim, did you know that you shared that video post on my page? Not just once but twice? And I am getting likes and comments? And did you know that post was about baking? About Peanut butter fudge things? Not about sports; or cool things like guitars; not about surf fishing……it was about baking……peanut butter things! I don’t even like peanut butter things!”

Not only that, she even sent out a friend request that got accepted!

Me: “Kim you have to be careful! What if I was a Democrat and you were sharing Republican propaganda? What if I was a Republican and you were sharing Democratic propaganda? And What if I was a ReTrumplican and you were sharing Hillary stuff, or the other way around? I have a reputation to maintain you know. I would prefer that not be done with peanut butter fudge recipes! You have to be very careful with what you post on social media!”

So we laughed, it was kind of funny. I really don’t mind her on my Facebook, it might be a blessing she doesn’t have her own account!  And I am okay with the peanut butter recipe video too since I do like to cook.
And maybe once I finish reading How To Win Friends & Influence People I will have more Facebook friends for Kim to connect with.
And by the way, if you are not familiar with the Happier, Happier Me blog from 2014 I have posted the links on a separate page on this website if you care to read them.
Thanks again for letting me share.