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Ghosts of Christmases Past 2

Ghosts of Christmases Past 2

“On Christmas Eve many years ago I laid quietly in my bed.  I did not rustle the sheets, I breathed slowly and silently.  I was listening for a sound I was afraid I would never hear: the sound of Santa’s sleigh bells.”  (from The Polar Express)

 

We moved into the split-level house my dad built in late 1960 from the bungalow next door.

My brother Gary was born in May 1961, ending my nearly five-year reign as the youngest child and immediately thrusting me into the abyss of middle-child status. Not that I was bitter; who wanted all that attention anyway?

My sister Patty had her own room. Carl and I shared a bedroom that my dad designed for all three boys once Gary graduated from the crib in my parent’s bedroom. My bed was on the end, Carl in the middle, and Gary would be in the first bed.

Since my parents were the “early adopters” so to speak of having children amongst their friends, Christmas Eves at our house always included our extended family of my parent’s adult friends, mostly firemen and their wives,  since they had to be home to prepare Christmas for us.

And then came the hour on Christmas Eve when we were all three ushered up to bed, while the adults continued the festivities below.  Once in bed we busted out the Dan Electro transistor radios and followed Santa’s travels on WMCA or WABC radio out of New York City.

Sleep didn’t come easy but eventually, it would.  In the morning whoever woke up first would wake up the others and we would all huddle at the top of the steps because we couldn’t go down the stairs until my mother and father got up.

One of us got picked to sneak down the stairs and do some scouting to see if Santa had really come.  That changed as we all got older, depending on “your persuasion on the Big Man,” and was typically the younger believer, which like I said earlier and in case you forgot, was me for nearly five years.

We had a similar routine every year, captured in photos first by black and whites, then eventually in color, some of which I have already shared. My dad also had one of those early 60s eight mm movie cameras with the infamous light bar with the four flood lights.  We opened gifts in an organized way making sure we each saw what the other one got.

Then my father would leave to join the other Oceanport Hook and Ladder firemen who every year would purchase gifts for all the kids in town under a certain age and with a Santa Claus on the back of the fire truck, would go street by street, house by house, delivering gifts to the kids they had on their list.

This was a tradition that went way back with the fire company in Oceanport and even my dad would tell stories of waiting for the fire truck when he was a kid in the 1930s when he would leap the hedge to get to greet the firemen and Santa.

While my dad was gone, we also would wait for the fire truck to come to our house, then revisit our gifts until my dad got home, which wasn’t always as predictable as you might think since there was always a little bit of Christmas cheer involved in that tradition as well.

Once my dad returned, we would walk across the street and down the rear driveway of my grandmother’s house and have Christmas and lunch with my mother’s family and my cousins.

Then we were off to Hillcrest and my other grandparents’ house and finally to my Uncle Teddy’s.  Teddy always had the funniest-looking Christmas trees and those oversized Christmas light bulbs.

It was nice having not all but a good portion of our family living in the same town or very close by.

Over the years as we got older and we became volunteer fireman, both my brothers and I got to share that Christmas experience of riding the fire truck with my dad.  And even after I moved away and would return home for the holiday, I would share that Christmas morning experience with my father.  And we even developed some new traditions like on Christmas Eve, driving to Point Pleasant Beach to the Norwegian store to buy Norwegian cheese, fiskebollers (Codfish balls), and only once Lutefisk (because with Lutefisk only once was enough), and cod fish to make sandwiches.

And that Christmas Eve open house for whoever wanted to visit just got bigger and bigger, and even now my sister still tries to keep that tradition going in Oceanport.

I am too old now to lie in bed listening for sleigh bells or Santa’s location on the radio,  or waiting for my brothers and sister to wake me up.  But I have lots of nice memories of Christmases growing up. I guess when they say “the true spirit of Christmas lies in your heart,” that’s where the memories live for as long as we are able to  remember them, which gets more challenging the older we get. Of course there have been Christmases since with sad memories, but even the sad ones remind us there is comfort and hope on the other side of those in time.

And writing about them and looking at old photos, reminds me of how much I miss my father and my brother.  Maybe I will have a codfish sandwich and some Norwegian cheese, an Akvavit on the rocks, and turn on Glen Campbell’s That Christmas Feeling album on Christmas Eve this year.

“At one time most of my friends could hear the bell, but as years passed it fell silent for all of them. Though I’ve grown old the bell still rings for me, as it does for all who truly believe” (from The Polar Express)

And who knows, maybe after a couple of those Akvavits, I will hear some bells too.

 

The time stamp on this featured photo says Jan 1963 so probably Christmas 1962. Gary would be about a year a half old, me about 6 1/2, Carl 8 almost 9, and Patty about 10 1/2.

 

Gary, Christmas 1965?
Early one, Patty at my Grandmother’s. Look at those legs!
Not sure, 1966 or 67?
Gar got a bike
I don’t know
Patty Christmas 1965
Early one, Carl and Patty, bungalow Christmas, I was a baby…youngest child
The Ghosts of Christmases Past

The Ghosts of Christmases Past

I remember my dad standing in the hallway near the front door while my mother would roll up the sleeves of his Banlon shirt to show more of his muscles, I guess. Or maybe that was just the style around 1960. My father worked the second shift as a drill press operator at Bendix in Eatontown, New Jersey, on Route 35, and he was getting ready to go to work. This was the ritual.

Bendix sponsored an art contest every year for their employees at Christmas.  I was young then, so I really didn’t know much other than I remember my dad creating beautiful drawings using pastels, and entering the contests during those years.  I think one of his drawings won a ribbon one Christmas.  This was the only time I can think of where he exhibited his artistic talent with something other than wood.

The Count Basie Center for the Arts is now a happening place on Monmouth Street in Red Bank New Jersey.  It’s owned by the Monmouth County Arts Council and reopened as the Count Basie Theatre in the early 1980s.  It’s a venue where you may have been entertained by Bruce Springsteen or Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes over the years.

But when I was four or five years old it was known as the Carlton theater, Reade’s Carlton to be exact, a beautiful old theater built in the 1920s first for Vaudeville shows, then transformed into a movie theater.

Every Christmas season, Bendix would host a Christmas program for the children of Bendix employees.  I have memories of standing in a very long line of families that wrapped around the corner and down a long Red Bank block in the cold patiently waiting for my turn to enter the lobby and get a bag of snacks, and I think, a small gift.  Then we watched a movie, the only one I remember was Walt Disney’s Pinocchio.

My dad would give up his drill press and Bendix and go on to work as a union carpenter in those early years of the 1960s, so I only remember a couple of those Bendix Carlton Christmases.  I seem to recall three of the drawings he submitted to the Bendix contests. I was able to salvage one of them,  though he had cut part way through it with one of his saws.  Saws and woodworking tools were much more associated with my dad than colored pastel pencils, so having at least a cut-down version of one of his Christmas drawings is pretty special.

The ghosts, the memories of this Christmas past writing, were 1960ish.   My brother Gary was born in May 1961 so, at this point, he is a ghost of a Christmas future I suppose.  The photo below was date stamped Jan 1960 so I think it was from Christmas 1959 when I was three and half.  I must have asked Santa for a gun that year.

The photo below is from an even earlier Christmas, 1957 maybe?  I am the little pudgy kid in the middle. I must have asked Santa for a car that year.  Maybe I will ask Santa for a car again this year.

The Sweet Kiss of Something

The Sweet Kiss of Something

Frank Hayes was born in Ireland. Though there seems to be some debate over when Frank was born, some say 1888 and some say 1901, one thing was for sure, Frank always wanted to be a jockey.

But Frank was built more like me when I was in my 20’s and 30’s at 140 pounds.  Not that 140 pounds was heavy, but it was if you wanted to be jockey.

Frank moved to New York City and when he found he couldn’t be a jockey, he decided to be a horse trainer and groom instead, at least he was in the game.  It was the 1920’s and thoroughbred horse racing was beginning its golden era in this country.

When I worked on the ambulance at Monmouth Park Racetrack in the 1970’s, for a few days later in the meet, the track would feature a few steeplechase races on the card each summer.  For us on the ambulance crew it was the busier days of the season because jumpers more frequently lost their riders.

Belmont Park, located on New York’s Long Island in the early 1920’s featured a similar steeplechase program.

One day Frank the trainer found himself an owner with a horse entered into one of Belmont’s steeplechase races who didn’t have a jockey to ride her.

The horse’s name was Sweet Kiss.

Sweet Kiss was a seven-year-old mare, an unraced maiden, and Frank saw an opportunity.  If he could get down to jockey weight of 130 pounds, he could ride Sweet Kiss and fulfill his dream to finally be a jockey.

So, Frank did the impossible and in a matter of 24 hours managed to lose twelve pounds to qualify.

Frank’s dream was finally going to come true.

He was about to check “Jockey” off his bucket list.

 

I have been having a bit of a nostalgic horse racing week, kind of reliving A Sentimental Racetrack Journey once again.  With November’s Breeder’s Cup in the books, the sport of horse racing winds down a bit as it awaits January’s  Eclipse Awards, which are kind of like the Oscars for horse racing, the naming of the Horse of the Year for 2024, and the new year when all two year olds turn three and thus the beginning of the 2025 three year old season which includes the Triple Crown races.

My sentimental journey this week was once again triggered by my perennial Horse of the Year…

Sir Sidney.

Sid.

I reached out to Marilyne this week to check on Sid:

He’s doing very well. I just got a new job that is very time consuming so I leased him out to a lesson program In Alpharetta for 6 months to a year where he is spoiled and pampered and so happy, and I can still go ride whenever I want. She sends me pictures periodically, and he has 3 friends and a big field, and lots of daily love and attention.  Here is one of my favorite funnies from this summer because he has quite the personality. 

In the next picture his little brother Walker is learning good ground manners from him at the trailer.  

The last two pics are from the leasing barn called Autograph Farm. They spoil him rotten!

Thanks for checking in!!

As is usual, I got a little teary-eyed.

Lucky Sid, after a long career of racing, is enjoying retirement.  Marilyne is his second owner I have kept in contact with since he retired.

 

Somehow, I don’t think Sid struggled with the same stress and fear of being retired that I find myself experiencing.  Sid is pampered and spoiled, and happy in his retirement.

And he has three friends and a big field and lots of love and attention.

And I am so envious.

I don’t have three friends or a big field.

I don’t know whether Sid has a bucket list, but he is a horse, so I am sure he has a bucket of something.

But it makes me happy that Sid is happy.

 

 

Frank’s dream finally came true.  He rode Sweet Kiss over the twelve-jump course. Going off at the odds of 20 to 1 against the favorite Gimme.  Gimme led most of the race though Sweet Kiss was just off the pace. Entering the home turn Frank shifted in the saddle and the two horses nearly collided, they made the last jump (somehow), straightened themselves out, and in the stretch Sweet Kiss dug in and pulled away by a length and a half.

Crossing the finish line instead of raising his crop in victory, Frank remained slumped over.

Eventually Frank would slide off the saddle and hit the ground. Though doctors rushed to his aid, Frank was pronounced dead right there on the racetrack.

Apparently, Frank had a heart attack and died probably around the time the two horses nearly collided entering the home turn. Some say it was the stress of the race and losing so much weight in such a short period of time that got him.

And because the rule books said the jockey had to remain in the saddle and cross the finish line in order to officially win, even though he was dead, Frank had won his first and his only race as a jockey.

Sweet Kiss broke her maiden status with the win but would race no more.

She went on to earn the nickname “the Sweet Kiss of Death.”

And Frank Hayes, as a result “is in the Guinness Book of World Records as the first Jockey (and probably first athlete of any sport) to ride to victory after his own death.”

Though Frank’s dream was fulfilled, he not only checked off the bucket, but kicked it too.

I don’t know what the moral of this story is.

Maybe fulfilling dreams aren’t always worth the stress, the effort, and the expense.

Look what it cost Frank Hayes.

Maybe following Sid’s example and just going wherever the bridle leads you is the way to go.

A few friends and a big field.

Or maybe a dock and a fishing pole.

Or a cabin and stream close by.

And of course lots of daily love and attention.

 

Checking off those buckets before we  kick them.

 

Here is the full photo
Marilyne and Sid
Sid with Walker
Just hanging out in the barn…retired
November Twenty Two

November Twenty Two

I remember the adults, the teachers, they were visibly upset.

We were being let out of school early for some reason.

As I exited the rear school doorway onto the pavement that surrounded the back side of Wolf Hill School, before the school fields and playground, an older boy yelled out, “the President’s been shot.”  I crossed the school playground to the old railroad track that used to bring the coal into Fort Monmouth, then down the tracks to Pemberton Avenue, and the three small town blocks that took me to the path through the neighbor’s yard and into our backyard.

I was seven years old and in the second grade.  I don’t remember who I walked home with, I just remember sitting in front of the small black and white TV in the living room and watching events relived and unfolding for the rest of that day.

I remember my mother was upset.

President Kennedy was dead.

Assassinated.

November 22, 1963.

 

 

It was just going to be a small wedding in a friend’s backyard,  there was no need for you to come, I was told.

Well okay then, I won’t worry about it.

Besides, I am just the father, and there will be pictures, I am sure.

But I did worry about it.

So, the Friday before the wedding in the friend’s backyard, I flew into Palm Beach Airport and headed towards Fort Lauderdale in my rented Camaro.  Not knowing much about this backyard wedding, I stopped at a mall in Boca Raton to buy a new hat.  I picked up a new pair of jeans to wear to the wedding as well.  Then I headed down to Fort Lauderdale and got a hotel room near where the cruise ships docked.

The next day I put on my new jeans and hat, got in my rented Camaro, and surprised Alexa at her wedding.

I even got to dance the father-daughter dance.

And it turns out I was right for a change; I did need to be there.

November 22, 2014.

 

 

Alexa and Namaan have been married now for ten years.

It’s been 61 years since JFK’s assassination.

I am tired because I stayed up late last night to watch the Steelers get beat by the Browns, in a snowstorm.

I am monitoring the western Pennsylvania weather and that snowstorm and stressing a little because we are considering making a pre-Thanksgiving visit with Kim’s mom.

Snow in western PA before Thanksgiving?  Who would have thought?

But this morning in my History Channel email I was reminded of the events of 61 years ago; and in my Facebook memories, the events of ten years ago.

I still have those jeans, in fact, I wore them at Savannah and Leon’s wedding and Hayley and Malcolm’s as well.  They needed to be there.

And like me, they are a little worn out, a little frayed and faded, yet they remain ready for the next event.

As long as it’s not another wedding.

 

And through all this reflection, I am being reminded of “the great significance of the passage of time.”

Only this time it is making sense.

 

November 22, 2024.

More Mookie Please

More Mookie Please

Mookie.

Is there a better name for a baseball player?

I don’t think so.

If you are even a casual Mets fan like me, you remember the 1980s and Mookie Wilson, and of course the 1986 Mets World Series. Mookie Wilson is said to have gotten his nickname by the way he pronounced milk as a young child. Come to think of it, I may have also had a kid who asked for “more mook please.”

Kim and I arrived at my mother’s around 7 pm last Friday evening, and my mom was all excited to watch the Dodgers in the first game of the World Series.

I thought this was odd behavior for my mother, but then, thinking maybe there was a Manhattan involved, I just rolled with it.

“My grandmother was a huge Dodger fan, the Brooklyn Dodgers, and I want to watch the game,” she explained.

Great, I thought, this was kind of a welcome diversion, a break from Fox News and the Hallmark Channel.  A break from the stress of the upcoming election, with all the fascist talk, the threats to democracy, swing states, blue walls, and fake news.

Yeah, it turns out Great Grandma Flora was a big Brooklyn Dodgers fan.  I had never met Flora.  My mother, however, was very close to her grandmother.

And, I wasn’t too familiar with the Brooklyn Dodgers either because not too long after I was born, in 1957, both the Brooklyn Dodgers and the New York Giants decided “California’s the place you otta be,” so they loaded up and moved west to Los Angeles and San Fransisco respectively.

This left the New York Yankees as the only team in New York until 1962 when Mookie Wilson’s Mets were established as one of baseball’s first expansion teams.

 

Now sitting and watching the game with my mother, I was happy to find out the Dodgers had a “Mookie” too!

Mookie Betts.

We watched all the way to 10th inning when the Dodgers’ Freddie Freeman made history by hitting the first game ending grand slam in World Series history.

Game One…Dodgers 6, Yankees 3.

 

Baseball used to be America’s sport.

As a kid I would walk down my street Willow Court in Oceanport, NJ, past the house my family called “the big house” then owned by my grandmother but also the house where Flora once lived; making my way down to Park’s Drugstore to buy the bubble gum pack with the baseball cards inside.  It never occurred to me that the Roger Maris or Mickey Mantle card I had attached to my bike with a clothespin might be worth some big money someday.  Nope, for me, it had much more immediate value clicking between the spokes of my rear bicycle wheel.

 

 Saturday evening we were invited to a neighbor’s for a Halloween dinner party, so we got back to the TV and the game a little late.  Kim went to bed, but my mother and I watched the second game till the end.

Game two…Dodgers 4, Yankees 2.

 

I never played baseball growing up, though we had Little League and Babe Ruth teams in Oceanport, I wasn’t very athletic.  I played catch in the yard with my brother and friends and street baseball on summer evenings with the neighborhood kids.  Since we lived on a dead end, we didn’t have to vacate the “field” too often by neighbors coming home from work.

The best baseball experience I can boast of is playing Cub Scout softball.

I wasn’t very good at softball either, but, I did manage some brief notoriety when I was playing catch on the sideline behind the bench one game with another teammate and managed to knock out another one of my Cub Scout teammates when the ball I threw didn’t quite reach the intended but instead found its way to another kids head.  I remember he was talking to someone and went down, came right back up resumed the conversation, and then went down again.

Monday night, I am back home but even without my mother, feeling like I had to watch the Dodgers.  The problem was the Steelers were playing on Monday night football, so up and down the stairs I went, as I  tried to watch both games.  After the Steelers’ 26-18 win over the New York football Giants, I watched the rest of the Dodgers game three, now playing in New York.  And though I didn’t see the whole game I did see Mookie Betts hit a base hit that allowed for the third run of the third game.

Game Three…Dodgers 4, Yankees 2, again.

 

I remember the time I watched my friend Bob Woolley who unlike me was a very good athlete, on one of those Little League or Babe Ruth teams, throw a very exaggerated “change-up” pitch that effectively struck the batter out but also engrained in me an understanding of what a “change up” pitch was forever.

I remember the mid-sixties, and especially the 1968 World Series St. Louis Cardinals with my two favorite players of that series Lou Brock and Curt Flood stealing bases.  They were fun to watch and along with pitcher Bob Gibson, they won the series.

And who could forget the ’69 Miracle Mets and the ‘73 Mets who weren’t as lucky.

 

Tuesday Kim and I had something scheduled, and by the time we got home and I turned the game on, it was clear the Yankees offense had awoken.  They added five runs in the eighth inning to the six they had already, and as a result, I got to bed a little earlier.

Game four…Yankees 11, Dodgers only 4.

 

My last experience that involved a bat, ball, and glove was a short stint on the Oceanport Hook & Ladder Fireman’s softball team.  I was the pitcher and after almost being taken out by a line drive, I walked off the mound and retired at the young age of 20 never to return to the diamond again.

 

Game five looked at first, to be a repeat of game four.  Down by five runs, the Dodgers came back to tie the score in the fifth, only to be bested by one run in the sixth. With the score now 6 to 5 Yankees, the Dodgers would add two more in the eighth inning.  Going into the ninth,  the Dodgers couldn’t add any more runs, now with the Yankees at bat, they called in Walker Buehler in relief.  Walker had started game three and would have started game seven had it gone that far, but with no more relievers left in the bullpen; he got the call.

Dodgers7, Yankees 6…the Dodgers are the World Series champs of 2024.

 

So that was that.

Great Grandma Flora’s team, once the Dodgers from Brooklyn, now LA, beat their once cross-town rivals, the New York Yankees.

My mom was happy, imagining her grandmother waving her flag (or pennant maybe) in celebration.

That’s awesome!

But now what do we do?

What are we going to do without a game six or seven?

We need a couple more days of Mookie, I don’t wanna go back to the election…

Ma, more mook, please.

More Mookie!

Because I, who had a better average at knocking out my teammates than I had knocking the ball out of the park, wanted just a couple more days of baseball.

Oh well, at least I had the experience of watching a couple of baseball games with my mother, creating a memory I never would have imagined happening in the first place, but also one that I may not have had the opportunity to repeat.

 

And besides, there are plenty of distractions I can find that will last me until Tuesday.  This weekend is the Breeder’s Cup, the World Series of horse racing, at Del Mar Racecourse in San Diego.  Though there have been Mookie horses in the past, like Bet on Mookie, Mr. Mookie, MVP Mookie, and Miracle Mookie; I couldn’t find any Mookies running this weekend.

And of course, I always have football that will take me through to Monday Night.

Then on Election Day, I can follow the play-by-play well into the wee hours of Wednesday morning if I decide to.

Or I can drink my Mookie and go to bed.

But before I go to bed I will pray for fairness and integrity in our election process, and, that the days that follow be calm, peaceful, and healing.

Amen?

Amen.

 

Postscript:  The photo above is Mookie Wilson in the 1986 World Series.  Mets baserunner Mookie Wilson slides into third base as Wade Boggs can only watch.

Lou Brock and Bob Gibson in this photo. Photo by Mick Haupt on Unsplash
Goodbye Columbus

Goodbye Columbus

On Columbus Day in Asbury Park New Jersey in the 1960’s, the city would host a ceremony where a person dressed and portraying the character of Christopher Columbus, along with a couple of attendants dressed in their period garb, would brave the ocean’s waves and come ashore ceremoniously “discovering America” right there on the beach in Asbury Park.

The two Boy Scout troops in my hometown of Oceanport at the time had a native American dance team that I participated in called the Lakota’s.  We would wear native American costumes and perform native American dances like the snake dance and the Hopi hoop dance.

On at least one Columbus Day, and I think maybe two, I and the other members of our Lakota tribe were there to greet Columbus as he landed in Asbury, we performed our dances to entertain the public and get our picture in the Asbury Park Press.

When I was growing up, we learned all about the explorers of the New World in grammar school (that would be elementary school in case you didn’t grow up in Jersey). DeSoto, Magellan, Hudson, de Leon, Pizarro, Cabot, to name a few, we learned all about them.  We had to write “reports” and present our explorers to the rest of the class.  Their place in history was quite important at the time. It was still cool to celebrate explorers.

And of course, the most famous of the explorers, the Italian Christopher Columbus, was widely touted as the person who “discovered America” on October 12, 1492, by landing on an island he called San Salvador.  And as a result, thanks to Italian Americans and President Franklin Delano Roosevelt in 1937, we picked up another holiday called Columbus Day to be celebrated on October 12, now of course it is recognized on the second Monday of October.

In October of 2021, President Biden signed a proclamation naming the second Monday of the month Indigenous People’s Day, in direct conflict with Columbus Day.

It was no longer cool to celebrate Columbus’ discovery because it opened the new world to other European explorers and ultimately colonization which would lead to warring and diseases that would have a devasting impact on the Indigenous peoples of the Americas.

My DNA indicates I am 75% Scandinavian and mostly Norwegian and since my people didn’t make it to America until the early 1900’s I don’t feel too much guilt with the mistreatment of America’s indigenous people directly.  My people were Vikings, they were “raping and pillaging” other Europeans, of which, I suppose I must share some accountability for ancestrally.

And speaking of Scandinavians the truth is Columbus was not the first European to reach the Americas, the Norwegian Leif Erickson is credited with doing that about 500 years earlier; and the first European settlement Vinland, thought to be located on modern-day Newfoundland,  was established by Vikings probably coming from nearby Greenland or Iceland.

The world has lots of sad stories in its documented and undocumented history.  It seems that sadly, conquering and colonization were built into our human nature.  The Bible and our world history books are full of stories of civilizations at war, conquering, enslaving, and exiling. I suppose we are all to blame, even our indigenous people.  And, sadly, it continues still to this day, as we are made aware of listening to the news every day.

 

I spent Columbus Day, or Indigenous People’s Day,  this year on the Eastern Shore making a quick visit to see my mother.  Since the guy who cuts the grass was slacking a little that week, I got the lawn tractor out and knocked that off.  With the tide clock indicating high tide in about an hour, though it was mid-October, I got a fishing pole out of the shed and threw the line out.  I had some pretty good bites but only managed to catch a small spot, which I returned to the water to catch again another day.  Though I don’t like the fall because I know it means winter is coming,  October on the Eastern Shore has become one of my favorite months.  I stood on the pier looking out over the waters and coastlines once traveled by another explorer four hundred years ago, Captain John Smith who explored the Chesapeake Bay and who knows, maybe even anchored his shallop in the protected waters of Fishing Creek while he traded with the natives on Deep Point Road.

In 1970 American writer Dee Brown published a book titled Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee: An Indian History of the American West.  I read that book at some point in the early 70’s and though I can’t say I remember the details of the book now 50 years later, I do remember that I cried finishing the last chapter.

I guess I must have felt some guilt after all.

 

Postscript:

Today October 19 is the anniversary of the day Kim’s dad Royal lost his battle with cancer four years ago.  October 15 was the anniversary of the day my dear friend Tawanda lost hers in 2011.  I have written in the past about both, Royal in The Steinster and Tawanda in The Beauty of an October Day. I am confident they are both resting peacefully.

The photo above is of the Lakota’s though not in costume probably circa 1968.  I couldn’t find the photo of us in costume. That’s me front and center.  The photo below of Christopher Columbus landing on the beach is not one of our group.  I couldn’t find that photo either.  This one is from the book Images of America, Monmouth Council Boy Scouts.

Fishing Creek
Early October sunset
That’s What You Get

That’s What You Get

That’s what you get for lovin’ me
That’s what you get for lovin’ me
Everything you had is gone, as you can see
That’s what you get for lovin’ me

(from For Lovin’ Me written by Gordon Lightfoot)

 

My grandmother Eleanora worked at the Dan Electro factory in Neptune, New Jersey when I was young.  As a result, at very young ages, my brother Carl, my sister Pat, and I all received transistor radios for Christmas.  And maybe Gary did too and I just wasn’t paying attention by that time.   I think I got my first radio when I was five or six so maybe 1961 or 1962.

My wife hates music from the 1960s.  She says it causes her great anxiety.  Sometimes I will turn on the Sirius XM 60’s station in the car, it makes her crazy.

Me, on the other hand, I love it, it puts me in my happy place.

If I ever wanted to make my wife crazier than I have already made her, I could lock her in a room and play Surfin’ Bird by the Trashmen over and over.

That would surely trigger some anxiety.

But I wouldn’t do that.

That would be mean.

That would be abusive.

 

The lyrics from the song above are from the 60’s.  They are from the 1965 song For Lovin’ Me sung by Peter, Paul, and Mary and written by Gordon Lightfoot.

I heard this song a couple of weeks ago while listening to the 60’s channel on Sirius XM.

It has been haunting me ever since, causing me anxiety, causing me to lose sleep even.

I listened to it a few more times, then I read the lyrics.

I interpreted it as narcissistic.

I researched the meaning of the lyrics, toxic masculinity was proposed.

I researched toxic masculinity.

It brought me back to narcissism.

 

I know of a father who once had to endure listening to an audio recording of his daughter being beaten by her husband:

“Don’t hit me in the face,” he heard his daughter pleading desperately.

She was not pleading to not be beaten, she knew that was going to happen, that wasn’t an option.

She, having no doubt been through this before, was specifically pleading not to be hit in the face.

And this was real stuff, not television, not Law and Order,  not Chicago PD.

 

If you are a father of daughters like I am, can you imagine?

Can you imagine hearing your daughter getting beat up by some jerk?

Probably not, and we definitely couldn’t imagine what this young woman had to endure.

But as a father what would you do?

Would you cry?

Would you want to treat violence with violence?

Would you want to put your Christian values to the test?

Would you feel helpless?

 

I have read that it is hard to intervene in these situations, intervening can often make things worse.

You just have to love them, and be there when the time comes, to be ready to help when the decision to escape is finally made.

And be supportive.

I guess sometimes, what you get for loving someone,  is not always what you expect to get.

Sometimes relationships come with mental abuse, and sometimes physical abuse, sometimes worse.

And sometimes even though everything you had was gone; money, credit, self-esteem, confidence, and dreams maybe,  you were lucky enough to still have your life.

Lucky enough to escape.

Lucky enough to be able to build a new life once again.

Make some new dreams.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

A good reminder for us dads and moms too, to pay attention to our daughters, and our sons, because sons can be victims too.

 

I guess I am learning that not all songs from the 60’s put me in my happy place.

Now if you want to experience some of Kim’s anxiety, watch this video of Surfin’ Bird.  And you have to watch it until the end.

So don’t you shed a tear for me
I ain’t the love you thought I’d be
I’ve got a hundred more like you…
I’ll have a thousand ‘fore I’m through

(from For Lovin’ Me by Gordon Lightfoot)

And that, is a scary reality.

Ophelia Anxiety

Ophelia Anxiety

Boards on the window, mail by the door
What would anybody leave so quickly for?
Ophelia
Where have you gone?

(from “Ophelia”)

 

“Ophelia” is a song written by Robbie Robertson, a member of The Band.  “Ophelia” was first released by the band called The Band on their 1975 album Northern Lights-Southern Cross.

If you are a fan of The Band, you know that Robbie Robertson passed away this past August 9, another sad loss.    If you grew into your teens in the late sixties and early 70’s, then music performed by The Band no doubt made up a part of the musical score of your growing up.  Whether it was the iconic Music From Big Pink in 1968 or the self-titled brown album, Stage Fright, or Cahoots or whichever, music by The Band was no doubt playing somewhere in your background.

 

But of course, this week we weren’t focused on an old tune by The Band named “Ophelia,” it was tropical storm Ophelia that got our attention in the Delmarva area, though the verse above seemed somewhat fitting for an impending storm.

 

I was still in bed Friday morning when Kim and I got the message via Messenger, a warning from my grandson Christian.

Christian is our family Hurricane Tracker.

I hadn’t planned on going anywhere this past weekend, and I hadn’t heard of any impending weather event.

But thanks to Christian I was made aware of a tropical storm named Ophelia heading towards the Chesapeake Bay.

I immediately went to the Woolford, Maryland weather forecast on the internet and read Woolford was smack in the middle of the Tropical Storm Warning.

Kim and I began to discuss our options as I pondered what to do.

Was there some unwritten rule that said you couldn’t let your almost 90-year-old mother fend for herself in a Tropical Storm?

I thought about the time I helped my dad put plywood over the windows on the river side of the house before a threatening hurricane came up the bay some years ago.

Then I remembered my dad paddling around the neighborhood when the water came up after Hurricane Isabel.

I envisioned the tide up over the bulkhead, the aluminum rowboat floating and banging up against the tree in the 70 mile an hour winds, and my 89-year-old mother out in knee deep water, her ninety-five-pound body getting knocked around in the white caps as she tried to secure the boat before it floated away…

Yeah, okay, so needless to say,  I got to packing.

 

So, after dinner on Friday evening after traffic died down but before the worst of storm arrived in our area, I headed out to the eastern shore to batten down the hatches and erase the image from my mind of my mother fending for herself in the floods, the wind, and the rain.

 

I have been in kind of a funk lately.

Summer is winding down, impending darkness in the coming weeks.

I wasn’t exactly sure what was going on, but it is not uncommon for me as the summer ends to get like this.  But then I heard of a theory worth serious consideration.

The Vice President of the United States introduced the threat of Climate Anxiety.

Yes, Climate Anxiety.

And according to the VP, it’s causing people to not want to have children and not want to buy houses.

Oh, my goodness, I thought.

That’s me!

That must be what I am suffering from.

I too don’t want to have any more children, but I actually attributed that to Daughter Anxiety but, maybe that is not so.

And I don’t want to buy any new houses either.

Yes, Climate Anxiety, I am sure that is the cause of my recent funk.

 

But, I digress.

So early Saturday morning I secured the four kayaks, the deck furniture, and the aluminum boat.  I took down the Steelers flag flying on the flagpole on the dock because the rope was fraying, and it was taking a serious beating. I didn’t want to lose it.

 

And then my mother and I settled in for whatever Ophelia was to deliver.

We watched the river.

We watched the wind intensity and direction in the trees and the flag.

We watched the weather on CNN.

We watched the Hallmark Channel.

We watched Fox News.

(That’s how I learned I had climate anxiety.)

And in the end, compared to other storms that visited in the past,

Ophelia was a yawner.

 

Ashes of laughter, the ghost is clear
Why do the best things always disappear
Like Ophelia
Please darken my door

(from “Ophelia”)

 

And I should say thankfully Ophelia was a yawner, because no one wants what could have been.

So, Sunday morning, three hours before high tide, with the water already over the dock, but comfortable that it wouldn’t get much worse, I dipped out and went back home.

I got to spend some time with my mother and was now able to substitute my daughter anxiety with the real culprit, climate anxiety.

Life was good again.

 

And speaking of daughter anxiety, I read this morning that yesterday was National Daughters Day.

Sorry guys, I missed another one.

But you know, I love you more than meatballs.

 

Postscript:

The happy photo of me and my little chickens above was taken many years ago, before they got together and traumatized me.

 

This is Christian’s Atlantic Ocean Hurricane tracking map (he has the Pacific too)
Sunday morning, three hours until high tide
Daughter anxiety

 

Ethan’s Guernica

Ethan’s Guernica

On this day in 1981 Picasso’s Guernica, his anti-war mural, was returned to Spain after forty years of hanging in New York’s Museum of Modern Art.  Picasso had requested the painting not be returned to Spain until Spain restored democratic liberties in the country.

The subject of the mural was the brutal bombing of the town of Guernica in 1937, by the Nazi Luftwaffe, who were allies of Fransisco Franco’s right-wing Nationalist forces during the Spanish Civil War. Picasso was commissioned to paint the mural showing the horrors of war to be exhibited in the Spanish Pavilion at the Paris International Exposition in 1939.

 

Today is also Grandparent’s Day.

We didn’t have a Grandparent’s Day when I was a kid.  According to the internet, Grandparent’s Day was made official in 1978 as the first Sunday after Labor Day by then President Jimmy Carter.

I think relationships with my grandparents when I was young were a bit more formal than today. In fact, in my family, when we referred to them we always used their last name as in Grandma Rosch or Grandpa Christiansen.

All of my four grandparents lived in Oceanport, the town I grew up in.

I have written about my father’s parents, my Norwegian grandparents Sophie and Carl before.

My grandparents on my mother’s side (Rosch) lived right across the street.  Technically their address was Main Street but the back lots of their property were on Willow Court, the street I grew up on, and right across from my house.  My grandfather William H. Rosch however died in August of 1960 at the age of 75 when I was just four years old.

But I have nice memories growing up to adulthood with my three grandparents.

 

Kim and I are grandparents too now.

We have three grandsons, Cameron, Christian, and Ethan.  I have written about them many times as well. But maybe not so much about Ethan.

 

Ethan is six.

He is very headstrong and determined but gets a little frustrated at times.

Recently at school, he and his classmates were assigned the task of drawing a self-portrait.

Ethan also happens to be very good at drawing, a talent that seems to run in my family, my grandfather Carl was an oil painter, my father worked with pastels, and my siblings are talented artistically as well.

However, Ethan apparently didn’t approve of being assigned the task of drawing a self-portrait.

As a result, he took on the brutality and the horror of being asked to do such a thing in a very Picassoesque way.

So, as all the other kids in the class drew their images as you might expect them to, Ethan created his Guernica, expressing his raw feelings on the matter.

And as his proud grandfather, I thought it was brilliant.

Happy Grandparents Day!

The class self portraits, Ethan’s is top right
Isn’t he cute? He had his first baseball game this weekend.
Ethan’s Guernica
Picasso’s Guernica
Ethan, Cameron, and Christian
This is the End

This is the End

“This the end, my only friend, the end…”

“The End.”

Jim Morrison wrote that song by The Doors.

I often find myself singing that line when I feel I am nearing the end of something.  A good vacation, a good bottle of wine maybe, or as it was this week, the end of another summer.

A post popped up on my Facebook feed on Labor Day that was the top thirty songs of the week of September 4, 1970.  The week of September 4, 1970, was significant to me because it was the week that I started high school.  My first days at Shore Regional High School in West Long Branch, New Jersey.

Labor Day in 1970 was September 7.  My first day of high school would have been September 8 since schools at that time always remained closed until after Labor Day.

Hard to believe that was fifty-three years ago.

Back then we only got new clothes twice a year, at the start of school and at Christmas.  And it didn’t matter how silly those bell bottoms looked as you went through your growth spurt, you had to wait it out.

I was fortunate (I guess) to have finished most of my growing early.  I weighed 110 pounds when I started high school and 120 pounds when I graduated.

I also got a haircut to go along with those new school clothes and a new beaded necklace.

And that would be another end for me, the end of haircuts, well at least for the next four years. I didn’t get another haircut until sometime after I graduated high school.

The number one song that week of my first day of high school was “Spill the Wine” by Eric Burdon & War.

 

The photo above was taken by a neighbor on the last Sunday evening of the last unofficial weekend of summer, Labor Day weekend.

The end.

The unofficial end of summer.

I was fighting it a bit, trying to squeeze in some last-minute fishing as the sun went down. Kim and I were leaving early the next day to beat the holiday traffic so this was it for me.  And just before the bait ran out, in the darkness, I snagged a keeper.

It was a good weekend, we ate crabs with friends, did some kayaking, rode our bikes to Taylor’s Island, and found a new place called Palm Beach Willies to take a break from cycling.

And I got to fish a little.

 

So, with the end of some things, there are often new beginnings.  In September of 1970 the anticipation of high school, meeting new friends, learning new things, and experiencing growing up outside of my familiar boundaries was high.  And I guess, since it was the early 1970’s, so was I at times.

Now fifty-three years later, the unofficial end of summer doesn’t have that same level of anticipation of something new and never experienced.  Those familiar boundaries are back, but this time they don’t feel so confining,  more comforting really. And who knows what new and unanticipated life change might be waiting in the next season.

I haven’t written anything to share since the end of June when my dad died.

This is the first time I have felt motivated to write.

So hopefully maybe that is the end of that.

 

The week of September 4, 1970, the number three song on the list was kind of a silly song in my opinion, a song by Mungo Jerry called “In the Summertime:”

When the weather’s fine we go fishing or go swimming in the sea

We’re always happy, life’s for living

Yeah that’s our philosophy

 

Life’s for living, we go fishing, we’re always happy?

Maybe it wasn’t so silly after all.

 

And, this, is the end.

 

Postscript:

After all those years of singing that line from The End, I decided to visit the lyrics for the entire song and Lord have mercy, I wouldn’t recommend doing that.

 

Kayaking on Fishing Creek