Christmasletter | Musings of an Aging Nobody

The Christmas Letter 2022

December 18, 2022 curtisc27@gmail.com Comments 2 comments

Seriously…

Me?

Cranky?

I’m cranky?

I was told that by one of my daughters recently.

She told me I needed to start writing more about my family and grandkids maybe, and less about the cranky old guy stuff I have been writing about.

I won’t tell you which daughter told me I was cranky because I don’t want to throw one of them under the bus because I am a dad who is cool like that.

But I am sure it’s okay if I tell you she lives in Florida.

It’s December 6^th and I am home alone again.

Kim is attending the Laurel View Village Christmas party with her mom in Pennsylvania.

Home alone, that sounds kind of Christmassy right?

Because again this year, I decided I wasn’t going to write a Christmas letter.

Once again, I didn’t feel like it.

Too cranky I guess.

But since I am home alone, what the heck, maybe it will help.

Kim and I watched Christmas movies over this past weekend; It’s a Wonderful Life, White Christmas, and How the Grinch Stole Christmas, the one from the year 2000 with Jim Cary as the Grinch.

I never liked that one. I would always get to the scene early on in the movie with the sorting of the mail and presents at the Whoville Post Office and then I would shut it off. It was just too much overstimulation.

But this past weekend Kim and I watched the whole thing.

And I still didn’t like it.

But this movie has that song.

The Where Are You Christmas? song.

That song always gets to me, in fact, I featured some of the lyrics in my 2018 Christmas “letter” that was never sent but just posted online, another Christmas we struggled with.

So while Kim went upstairs to bed, I watched the credits and listened to Faith Hill sing that song once again. And as it always does, even though I like it, it made me a little sad, bringing back memories from Christmas 2000, our first Christmas married and as a blended family and those that would follow; the events that changed our family, how we have changed, how our Christmases have changed, and how I have changed.

But that is life, things change, and every year is different, as it should be. Traditions are nice, but there are new ones that need to be made too.

And in fact, already this year we made some holiday change ups and did some things differently.

The weekend before Thanksgiving we had an early Thanksgiving get-together with Savannah, Leon, Cameron, Hayley, and Malcolm. That was nice, we did a very non-traditional Thanksgiving meal with charcuterie, meatballs, Italian sausage and green peppers, baked ziti, and some other stuff. The photo on the card is from that day.

Then on Thanksgiving Day Kim and I flew to Florida to have Thanksgiving dinner with Alexa, Namaan, Christian, Ethan, and some extended Florida family and had the more traditional turkey and fixings. Friday morning we all packed in the car and picked out a nice live Christmas tree and added some more decorations to the outside of the house. Then we built a gingerbread house that the kids decorated. So we were able to have Thanksgiving and jam some Christmas in there too with the kids.

We had a nice long weekend. It’s kind of fun Christmas tree shopping in shorts and sandals.

But for Christmas this year, unlike last year, we won’t have any of the kids and grandkids together.

And as I sit here thinking about it, I suppose that is my problem. That is why this year it’s tough to get in the spirit.

And though each year in this letter, I try to corner the market on holiday self-pity, I realize in the end I need to count my blessings and recognize that we are not unlike most families. Families change, some are called home, and we can’t keep our kids young forever. And sometimes we have to share the grandkids, or the nieces and nephews and as much as we would like to keep all of our traditions, there are those times we have to let some go or make new ones.

I heard a crazy story about a guy who started a movement where he writes and advocates for human extinction saying children are so damaging to the planet, the only answer is to let the human race die out by not having any more children.

Wow…talk about a Grinch.

Can you imagine not having any children around… especially at Christmas?

I am dealing with that issue right now.

It’s sad, he doesn’t know what it’s like to have kids.

He doesn’t have any daughters.

But on the other hand, he doesn’t have any daughters to tell him that he is cranky and what he should and shouldn’t write about.

Nor does he have daughters who tell him how much they love him.

I feel bad for that guy.

I hope he has a Merry Christmas.

But now it is getting late and though sometimes I find it difficult to sleep when I am home alone, I must not give in to the temptation to stay up, I must go to bed.

And I am reminded of another song from another movie we watched over the weekend, Irving Berlin’s White Christmas and Count Your Blessings (Instead of Sheep).

When I’m worried and I can’t sleep

I count my blessings instead of sheep

And I fall asleep counting my blessings…

Counting my blessings.

Well, there you have it, I think it did help a little.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from Kim and me. We hope you and your families have a blessed Christmas too.

Postscript:

Okay so it’s now closer to Christmas, and to make my daughter Alexa happy, in more traditional Christmas letter fashion, in case anyone is interested, here is a report on all my “Little Blessings”:

Savannah and Leon are doing great, living in their “new” house in a nice friendly neighborhood in Leesburg. Leon is still teaching at Open Arms, a private Christian school and Savannah working for a surgical practice in Dulles called Surgical Specialists of Northern Virginia.

Cameron is awesome, twelve years old, and in the seventh grade. He is now as tall as me, and his voice is really lowwwwww. That’s kind of hard to get used to. He is actively developing his basketball skills and in spite of his almost teenage status, he still pays attention to his Mimi and Pop Pop.

Hayley and Malcolm also are enjoying life in their “new” house in Leesburg, very close to Savannah and Leon. They have been busy doing some renovations and keeping up with the yard. I keep telling Malcolm I know a guy when he is ready. Hayley is in her 15^th year teaching at Broad Run High School and Malcolm is an IT Project Manager for government websites.

Alexa and Namaan are still in Hollywood Florida where life at home is like being in Disney World. Alexa still lawyering for GEICO and Namaan investigating claims for State Farm, they both mostly work on personal injury claims and investigations.

Ethan and Christian are growing up, Ethan is five and in Kindergarten and Christian is seven and in the second grade. Christian plays baseball in a coach pitch league and is taking art classes. Ethan is earning his stripes and belts in karate.

Kim and I are doing fine and managing to keep busy. Kim is in her 29^th year at Lincare and enjoys the relationships she has built over all those years. I am enjoying my semi-retirement continuing to work part-time at the Sterling United Methodist Church and managing purchasing (auctions) and sales (Ebay) for Kim’s Vintage Cool Stuff while waiting patiently for Malcolm to hire me to cut his grass.

We spend as much time as we can with Kim’s mom in Pennsylvania and my mother and father on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. Faye is doing great at Laurel View Village in Davidsville. Lady, my mother, is like the energizer bunny and is practically on the staff of the Mallard Bay Nursing and Rehab in Cambridge as she helps to take care of my dad, who all things considered, is doing okay too.

So as you can see we are blessed with daughters and great sons-in-law, grandchildren, parents, and Donny in our hearts.

And as that song that gets to me says “If there is love in your heart and your mind, you will feel like Christmas all the time.”

Maybe so…

And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Luke 2:10

PPS:

I am not going to send too many cards and letters out in the mail this year. I am going to keep it to folks who I think may not otherwise see it, mostly older folks like my sister who may not be active “online.” So please feel free to share.

Christmas 2000 our first family Christmas card, complete with my name spelled incorrectly

Faye and her good friend Nancy at the LVV Christmas Party

On a warm November day, Lady and Pop out for a “walk” in his new wheels.

Happy Thanksgiving charcuterie from Broad Run Boards

Our Little Chickens Winery has been busy this fall producing a sangria called Hurricane Sangr-IAN, a pinot grigio named “Pee? No!”, a California Mixed Blacks simply called Red, and a happy holidays Merlot.

The Holiday Chronicles: Christmas, Joy to the World

December 23, 2018 curtisc27@gmail.com Comments 2 comments

Where are you Christmas
Why can’t I find you
Why have you gone away

Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can’t I hear music play

My world is changing
I’m rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too

Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know

I’m not the same one
See what the time’s done
Is that why you have let me go

Those lyrics as you probably know are from the song “Where Are You Christmas” from the movie How the Grinch Stole Christmas in the year 2000. I have always liked that song, kind of sad though, there have been a few times it has made me cry.

It was sometime before Thanksgiving. Hayley came by to visit.

“Hayley,” I said, “Christmas is cancelled this year.”

“Kim and I are going to your grandparents for Christmas, we are not going to do anything here. You should go and spend Christmas with your nephews in Florida.”

I am not sure she was too happy, as I recall she didn’t say much or give me a hug or kiss goodbye when she left.

A couple weeks later Hayley called me to ask if she was seriously not invited to spend Christmas with us at my parents.

So I said, “Hayley seriously… which would you rather do…spend Christmas with your nephews in Florida or watch Fox 5 for two days?

She bought the tickets to Florida.

I had always put a lot of energy into our Christmases.

But for the first time in my life I didn’t have a Christmas tree.

And for the first time since Kim and I have been together, we didn’t send out a Christmas card with a Christmas letter.

This year we just didn’t have the energy.

That first Christmas after Donny’s accident we tied a Christmas tree to the roof of my van and headed out to Deep Creek, Maryland. We rented a house up in the woods, it snowed, we were all together, but most importantly we were away from what was familiar. Nothing would seem familiar that Christmas, it was impossible.

For the next fourteen Christmases we returned to the routine that was familiar here at home. Celebrating on Christmas Eve with family and some friends who became family along the way.

But even after all that time, this year, now the 16^thChristmas following the accident, the need to visit the unfamiliar once again seemed like the right thing to do. And since my parents were going to be home alone for this Christmas, that seemed like the right place to do it.

Kim gave me a short book to read called the Christmas Box by Richard Paul Evans. I finished it one evening a couple of weeks ago.

The message of the book was about the first gift of Christmas:

And this is because of the great gift of Christmas. Because He came.

Coincidentally, the next morning I read a devotional that I get every day in my email. I will admit, I don’t always take the time to read them, but that morning I did.

Once again, it was about that first gift of Christmas:

For God so Loved the World that he gave his only begotten Son.

I have a friend who lost her son just a few weeks before this Christmas. For her, the journey has just begun. For her this Christmas would be unfamiliar, unlike any before, but not by choice.

I heard a sermon recently and the preacher said, “Mary, Elizabeth, and John the Baptist tell us that this Christmas for you could be a time for healing…”

At the time with everything that Christmas wasn’t for us this year, that sounded like a good thing.

Though I thought to myself Christmas is a time for many things, and I hoped healing, but that may be easier said than done.

One Saturday earlier this month, Kim and I took our grandson Cameron to see the new Grinch movie. Though I thought it was your typical “Grinch” story retold, I liked it and Cameron seemed to really like it.

A few days a later, I asked Kim to go back with me and watch the Grinch movie again.

“You want me to go with you to see The Grinch again?” She asked a bit confused. “And why do you want to go see The Grinch again?”

“I don’t know… I just want to,” I told her, feeling a little silly.

“Okay…”

So we did.

There’s a scene in the movie when remorse sets in and The Grinch admits his crime to the citizens of Whoville who, to his dismay, remained joyous in spite of having all their Christmas presents and Christmas decorations stolen:

“It was me I stole your Christmas.

I stole it because I thought it would fix something that happened a long time ago.

But it didn’t… and I am sorry, I am so very sorry for everything.”

Isn’t that the truth?

We can’t fix those things that happened a long time ago, sixteen years ago, or even in the last few weeks.

Things happen.

But despite our lack of energy and our desire to get away from reminders of those things…

Christmas can’t be stolen.

Because we have that first Gift of Christmas.

And because of that Christmas may, in fact, be about healing.

But maybe not healing in its direct meaning.

It may be more about the fact that we may never heal.

Because we may never need to.

Because He has us.

Joy to the World, the Lord is Come.

Merry Christmas

Epilogue

It’s the day before Christmas Eve. Unexpectedly, we are on our way to western Pennsylvania. Short of some edits, I had basically finished writing this essay Wednesday evening, December 19. The next morning Kim called me at work and told me that Nevin, the husband of our niece Cassandra, working the night shift, had lost his life in a mine accident. He was a former Marine, a wonderful husband, a great father, and just a nice guy. He leaves behind a wonderful wife, three beautiful young children, and many other family members. Another Christmas that will be unfamiliar for some and sadly familiar for others. Another reminder that things happen and we can’t fix them. Nevin is with Jesus now and the rest of us have to rely on our faith, the faith in the first Gift of this season. A final message from that same sermon on healing, “We can keep the faith even in the face of our difficulties and grief, we can find joy in Jesus Christ.”

We can…I know it.

Please keep this family also in your prayers this Christmas.

2017 Christmas Letter

December 25, 2017 curtisc27@gmail.com Comments 0 Comment

Christmas 2017

I went to see Santa today.

It had been a long time since I had gone to see Santa.

For many years after Donny’s accident I would go visit Santa, have my photo taken, and frame the photo or photos with a letter to my wife that was meant to cheer her up.

It would always be the first gift of Christmas.

As the years went by and things got more hectic and wall space began to run low, I stopped.

Eventually after some downsizing and renovations those framed items were taken down from the walls and stored somewhere in the chance that someday one or all of my kids would remember and want one or two.

Not only did I have my picture taken with Santa, most of those photos were taken with the same Santa, who I got to know over the years and he even looked forward to seeing me come back each year.

I don’t remember if I have shared this story before and I apologize if I am repeating myself. I have learned that repeating yourself is just a part of growing older, which I am.

But Christmas is about memories, those that we pull out of boxes each year or put in picture frames; and those that we work so hard to plan for so we can create new ones that we hope will be engraved in the memories of our kids and now our grand kids.

That is what visiting Santa did for me each year, he created a memory for me, for my wife, and after a few years for him too.

But Kim and I had already begun to create some memories for this holiday season.

It started by spending Thanksgiving with Ethan and Christian in Florida. Oh yeah and Alexa and Namaan were there too.

Then upon returning home, my wife went on a tear and decided that in order to make better memories for the kids who were all going to be here for Christmas this year, we needed to create fun space by downsizing even more and renovating the basement. That meant I had to take apart my office one piece at a time and put it in bins and boxes to be moved elsewhere while the new floor was installed and the painting done.

And just like opening boxes of Christmas memories each year, this task made me touch a lot of things I hadn’t picked up in a long time like:

My photo of Donny grinning and holding up his ticket at our Monmouth Park wedding reception; my sterling silver guitar pick with “Pop Pop” engraved on it; the card and letter from my wife for our tenth anniversary with our tickets to the Kentucky Derby.

Haskell hats, and Derby hats, and glasses, and more photos; guitars and vintage harmonicas; “The Little Chickens” Blizzard Blend wine bottled during a snowstorm when we were all stuck together in the house. All of it brought me back to some place and time…and then it got put in a box.

And though the whole thing really stressed me out, at the time my wife said to me “when this is all done, you will say ‘Thank You Honey.’”

Next up, was a trip with Cameron to see Santa on a Polar Express like train ride (the Northern Express) from Cumberland to Frostburg, Maryland and back that was an awesome day and a forever memory.

The next day I put up the really nice artificial Christmas tree with the lights already built in that I picked up really cheap at the yard sale. And in typical Christiansen curse fashion only the middle section lights worked…well, so I save some money on the electric I guess.

And then today I get the idea that it might be nice to go visit my Santa friend again.

So I went, but sadly my Santa friend was not there anymore and hadn’t been there for a couple of years according to the girl I spoke with at the desk. The last time I had stopped to check on him I was told he had taken that year off because his wife was very sick. I am hoping he and Mrs. Claus are well and reclining on a beach on the west coast of Florida right now.

My new Santa was okay of course but since there were so many other kids waiting impatiently in line to see Santa (oh…and they had reservations!) I didn’t have too much time in the chair so I didn’t get to tell him what I wanted for Christmas.

But If I could have I would have told him I wanted this Christmas to be more special than any other before.

That I wanted to spend quality time with my grandchildren;

That I wanted to enjoy the company of my kids and family and friends;

That I wanted my wife to have the happiest Christmas ever;

And that most of all I wanted some young kid to show me how to use the new Xbox One in the new basement.

Time goes on and age changes us all; Santa Clauses retire, and technology leaves me standing in front of a massive TV flailing my arms to no result. And even as I write this, I am dribbling oatmeal on my sweater.

Though once again it has been a year of change for my family, God has been good.

And to my wife I must say I am not going to write you a letter this year and put it in a frame with my new Santa photo, have it be the first gift of Christmas, then hang it on the wall.

But I am going to say, “Thank you Honey.”

For all those Christmases and all those memories.

Let’s hope that time allows us to enjoy many more.

And to all of you out there I hope your Christmas season has been as good as mine.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from my family to yours.

Kim and Curt

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1:17