My Prayer For Hayley
Early one morning the sun was shinin’
I was layin’ in bed
Wond’rin’ if she’d changed at all
If her hair was still red
Her folks they said our lives together
Sure was gonna be rough
They never did like Mama’s homemade dress
Papa’s bankbook wasn’t big enough
And I was standin’ on the side of the road
Rain fallin’ on my shoes
Heading out for the East Coast
Lord knows I’ve paid some dues gettin’ through
Tangled up in blue
(Bob Dylan, Tangled Up in Blue)
On a day like today, it’s hard not to think about my own life, my own marriage.
I always thought this Dylan verse was cool having married a red head who changed it all on me one day. And like in Bob’s song, our bankbook wasn’t very big either; at our wedding we had cold cuts from the deli at the local grocery store, a keg of beer, and a box of wine in the garage.
But it was beautiful.
And Kim, she was beautiful too.
My daughter Hayley gets married today.
That is no small undertaking as many of you know. These days getting married the statistical odds are against you. They say 48% end in separation or divorce. Those might be great odds at the racetrack, not so good for planning the rest of your life.
I know that as well as anyone, because I make up part of that statistic. I had one that didn’t cross the finish line and one that is like Secretariat winning the Belmont, going down the stretch ahead by 31 lengths and never having to look back.
My wife always says that marriage is like an egg, it’s fragile, you have got to cradle it in your hands. That’s the truth because like Bob described in the song, lives together sure can be rough. But not every day has to be rough, if you get all four hands holding that egg you can get through those hard times. And life can be wonderful.
But today is about Hayley, not me.
I have great memories with all my kids. Since I love music, often those memories involved music. The last thing Donny and I did together was go to Wolftrap for his one and only concert; a Shania Twain adventure with Savannah where I would like to have a “do over”; and Alexa, who was spoon fed Bruce from infancy and also shared a love of the Beach Boys and John Sebastian.
But I will say I have some distinct memories with Hayley.
Having beer poured on her head at a Jimmy Buffet show when the server couldn’t see her standing in front of the table because she was that little; front row seats at the Barns where the Subdudes dedicated a song, Sugar Pie, to Hayley and after the show signed a CD for her; and I can’t forget the old Birchmere, where I was the only guy whose date was ten years old watching Lowen and Navarro who Hayley loved as much as I did. They opened with “Constant as the Night” and I remember she was excited because that was one of her favorites.
And Hayley and I created some other memories as well. We took some trips together; like the time Hayley and I went to Orlando for a vacation that still today remains one of my best; a trip to Gettysburg to dig into some history together (Hayley is a history teacher); but nothing tops the time Hayley and I drove the rental truck from Des Moines, Iowa to Fort Lauderdale moving Alexa to her new job with the Public Defender’s office, complete with a cowboy hat, truck stops, and non-stop country music. George Strait’s Wrapped had just been released and we must have heard it a hundred times. By the time we got to Fort Lauderdale we knew every word to that song.
That was a hoot.
When I was charged with picking a Father-Daughter dance song, of course I went to Google to search and I got the top 20 this and the top 50 that…somehow however Butterfly Kisses didn’t seem right for Hayley and me.
I got discouraged.
So I busted out the iPod and over a period of days I just listened.
Then one evening sitting on the deck all alone listening to my iPod, something happened.
I got a tear.
Then I moved on to some more iPod songs, but getting no reaction, I went back to that same song.
And guess what? I got some more winkage.
So that was that.
I will admit we are going to have a heck of time trying to dance to it, but you can be sure I will have a tissue handy just in case.
The truth is that all the joy and excitement of today will soon dim somewhat and the day to day challenges of making a life together will become the reality. There will be many rough spots, some tough times even… some maybe unbelievably tough. But those times can be overcome and made good and relationships made stronger in fact, if you have all four hands cradling that egg.
You see, marriage can be an answered prayer.
And so my prayer for Hayley is that God answers my prayer for Hayley the same way He answered my prayer for myself some years ago.
And may she never look back.
